ugly people sure do ruin things
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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