so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize