After last night, I could never be a politician.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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