ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
