I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This is not my ceiling
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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