why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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