I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
