who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
