Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
