I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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