Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
