we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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