I am full of burrito and curiosity
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
