I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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