then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
