My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
