i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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