Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
