i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
