my phone needs a breathalizer
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
