im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize