well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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