She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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