I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
