Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
