I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize