He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
