What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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