Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
