dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
