out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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