you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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