just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
