three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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