Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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