maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize