How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
