If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Less talking, more tequila
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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