Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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