i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
