i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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