i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm too high and old for this...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
