I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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