I think I won the penis lottery.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
