Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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