What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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