On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
