and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
