genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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