I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
