That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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