I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
