I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
