Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
