Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize