dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
