Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
