Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You can't special order awesome
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
