it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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