Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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