I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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