Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
