then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize