can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
