he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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