She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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