My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
