You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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