She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Holy sore nipples Batman
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
