Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize