Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
