What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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