if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
