dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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