I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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